Taking a decision and stubbornly focusing straight ahead as if we were wearing blinkers is a very common attitude. We have a dream in our heart or an idea in our head, we want to achieve a particular goal, and that becomes the axis about which every detail of our life rotates. We do not stop to observe our reality or to be sure about what we really feel.
It is a very simple concept and many of us will probably identify themselves with the following example: my greatest desire is to have a love story and a life partner. But I get to meet someone who is totally different from me: I hate smoking, he is a smoker; I am extremely sociable, he seldom goes out; I have a steady job, he is a free spirit that constantly changes workplace.
From outside it is obvious to think that the partnership of such different people could hardly lead to and they lived happily ever after. However, we tend to see only what our Almighty Will wants.
I think this is the main reason why there are so many couples in which one of the two partners tries to change the other, to create him/her in the image and likeness of what they need. The smoker, therefore, will have to cope with endless criticism every time he lights a cigarette, the lone wolf will be frequently asked to go to bars and restaurants and the free spirit will be advised to find a steady job.
We strive to adapt the reality and the people in our life to our desires, instead of getting to know them. We should accept them just the way they are, not as our mind tells us they should be. If we think about it we will realize that it is a delusional attitude: I fall in love with a smoker, but I want him/her not to smoke; I fall in love with a womanizer, but I want him to be faithful. We always forget that the person we are involved with is a product of our own choice. With all his/her qualities and his/her flaws.
I remember a beautiful verse written by the Spanish poet Ajo, dedicated to an ex-lover: Perdóname por pedirte peras, no sabía que eras un olmo (forgive me for asking you for pears, I did not know that you were an elm. It refers to a Spanish proverb that implies that asking an elm to give pears is something impossible). With these few words Ajo perfectly describes the blindness with which we often get involved into relationships: we choose someone and ask them for the moon and that person simply cannot give us what we want.
From now on I therefore decide to keep my Almighty Will under control. I will never allow it to forge my reality again, since everything that happens to me is already a mirror of what I feel. This time I will observe this romance that has come into my life, without judging, criticizing or scheduling structural changes in the other person. I will accept this elm for what it is, an elm.
And do you know what the difference is between this romance and my previous experiences? A new, deep serenity. There will be no disappointment this time, because at the base of everything there is no deception.
I accept the elm for what it is and for the fruits it can give. I know its qualities and its limits and, if one day those fruits will not be enough, our paths will separate. But this time it will happen with no resentment because our mutual acceptance has changed everything.