The other day I was talking with a colleague about the number of women we know who have told us about some type of physical or mental abuse they suffered and we got to the conclusion that they are much more than it would be expected in a modern twenty-first century society.
Mistreatments are not a direct consequence of a specific culture or social class, it is the expression of a sordid and hidden male chauvinism deeply rooted in our mentality and, in some cases, very difficult to identify.
We ourselves are women of a certain cultural level and the product of modern education, but we too were victims of psychological abuse at some point in our lives. Unfortunately, the submission process of another person never begins with a slap in the face or an insult, because, in that case, it would have a short life. It is a very subtle process that the bully carries out starting with apparently innocent phrases like “if you love me, do that or that” until they get to destroy their partner’s personality through criticism of their way of doing things, insults and, in the worst case, pure stalking.
Some bullies manage to develop refined techniques and punish their partner with silence and indifference or even betray them when they do not receive the attention they consider appropriate.
Does it ring a bell, sisters?
Yes, these are all techniques of abuse, just as expecting that you will clean the house and take care of the children (when you both work the same number of hours), giving you all responsibility and decisions to make and to wanting you to always be beautiful, thin, loving, sexy, or otherwise their attention may go to another woman.
We could now ask: who’s to blame for abuse?
The abuser, always. Having a narcissistic personality and a deeply male chauvinist mentality and stepping on your partner’s rights (first of all respect) cannot be justified in any way.
Let’s try to change the word: whose responsibility is it to endure abuse?
Ours. If a person manages to tear apart our inner strength it is because we do not love and respect us as we should in the first place.
What should we do when we recognize that there is abuse in our relationship?
First of all (unquestionable!), kick the man out.
Second of all (also unquestionable!), seek help with a professional who knows how to guide us in discovering all our virtues and vices and who can teach us to love ourselves for what we are.
As usual, love is the only cure.
You don’t deserve this, pull yourself together and give the other person the chance to do the same, if he wants. There is an whole universe that you’ll discover within yourself, go ahead, no fear.
Aaaand you can clean the house only if you feel like it : )